I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We're too hungover to prance.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
