The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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