I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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