Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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