Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
