soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
