Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
