Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
id be glad to
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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