Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
