DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
