New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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