FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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