I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
