i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
