he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The Olympian is in my bed
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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