everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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