i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
