i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
