They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
