My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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