I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
