Barsexuality is the new black.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Houston, we have a blender
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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