Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
