seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
