My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
