We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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