If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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