Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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