He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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