So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm passing your future prison.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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