i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have post one night stand depression
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
