I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
someone owes me an orgasm
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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