So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
