You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize