ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we should paint friendship bongs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
