I just saw a hot homeless man
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
