no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
did i walk over a car last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
