in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
