Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
