Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
