i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
