no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
