There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
