Fuck appropriateness.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
