I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
