You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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