so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
