I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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