I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
