The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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