i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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