she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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