Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I puked a lego.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Operation Purity has been aborted
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
