If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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