dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
