I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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