Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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