lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
