How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
