I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
