I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
