THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i came on her dog
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
