I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
