Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Houston, we have a blender
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
