this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
