I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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