can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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