Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
