bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
