This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
