THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
